What Sam thinks
by Irish-Girlie-123
Summary: Sam's having a bad time and Gabriel's alive :D Sabriel, Sam/Gabriel. Warnings, suicide thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N-So crappy title I know but anyway, this is a small Sabriel fic I wrote, it might have more chapters don't know yet. Anyway enjoy it, all reviews welcome, good and bad  
**_

Sam let out a sigh, this was the first time Dean had left him alone in two months because of his so called 'suicidal thoughts'. Sure Sam had been thinking a lot lately, but it's not as if anybody would miss him if he did die, that's the way he thought anyway, the world would be better off without the guy who tripped the apocalypse and let Lucifer out, the guy who lost his soul, who chose a demon over his own flesh and blood brother. Sam let tears flow down his face as he held the loaded gun in his hand, thinking over all the mistakes he made, all the people who died because of him, flashbacks, always flashbacks, of Ellen and Jo, Jess, John, and even Gabriel. He raised the gun to his head, steady fingers on the trigger, and he could swear he heard that stupid archangel's voice. "Hey Kiddo," it said, strangely soft and serious, different from what he recalled the tricksters voice to be. Then the gun in his hand vanished and in front of him stood Gabriel, eyes teary from watching Sam and seeing his pain, "Kiddo I can't let you do this" he said. "G-Gabriel…? You're alive?" The hunter asked,looking up through his tears "Yes Sammy its me, now you gotta listen, you can't do this right, you can't leave Dean, you can't die, you _can't_ leave _me_" Gabriel told him, looking him in the eyes. "Why do you care?" Sam muttered "You don't care about anything, why this? Why me?". Gabriel placed one quick kiss to Sam's lips, and then he was gone, just as the door swung open and Dean ran to Sam's side, "Sammy! Sam! You okay? What happened?" he asked, and all his little brother did was nod in reply, dazed by what had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N- So it's shorter than the last but this is what came out, hope you all enjoy it_**

It was a few weeks later when Sam found himself in the same position, knife in hand after a long hunt, he'd screwed up, again, gotten Dean hurt in the process, so now he stood, at the sink in the bathroom of a dodgy motel room. Placing the blade to his wrist and pressed down, drawing blood, before moving to the other wrist. Then came the voice and the small angel, "Sammy, what did I tell you?" Gabriel said, bandages appeared around Sam's wrists, "I-I can't Gabriel.. the world will be better without me..". Gabriel never spoke, he kissed the two bleeding cuts that were sure to scar, then again, he left. Sam was passed out on the bathroom floor with blood around him when Dean found him, when Sam woke he was in a hospital bed "Sammy, you need to stop this.. I nearly lost you Sammy" Dean said, tears brimming. "Dean, y-you were hurt, I screwed up.." Sam said, weakly sitting up "You should have left me be.."


	3. Authors note

_**A/N- Hey guys, I've decided this is going to be just three chapters, I really hope you enjoy the last part, I know I'll enjoy writing it**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N- This probably isn't as good as the other too but I think it's pretty sad, I shed a few tears writing this, I really hope you all enjoy this.  
Enjoy the chapter, and reviews are welcome!**_

The next time Sam tried was his last. This time it was when the angels fell, he was in the bunker in his own room, Dean busy trying to convince Castiel that human life wasn't so bad. He was tired, and sick, but that still didn't stop the thoughts coming through. The voice in his head screamed at him 'Go on, kill yourself, its all your fault, the apocalypse, mom and dad's deaths,' . There was a million thoughts and reasons swimming around and maybe they were right, but this time he needed to be inconspicuous, needed to be somewhere nobody would find him. There was a lake near the bunker he could get to easily without Dean noticing him gone. Sam stood up, with tears pricking his eyes, he wrote a letter to Dean before he left.

_Dean,_

_I'm sorry, sorry I screwed up, sorry I was born, sorry I'm your brother. You don't have to put up with it anymore though, nobody will. I figured I should tell you, but I won't tell you where I've gone, I'll only say one thing, but by the time you figure it out, I'll be gone, no more saving me._

_Here's your clue.._

_As I went down to the river to pray_

_Studying about the good old way._

_Yours truly,_

_Sammy_

Sam left it by Castiel's bedroom door, he knew Dean would come out soon. He stood by the lake, feet touching the edge of the water, he pondered, but he knew the world would be a better place if he just walked in right now, let the water smoother him. That's exactly what he did, he jumped in, and before he knew it, he was unconscious.

Sam woke by the edge of the lake, clean, dry clothes on him and he was wrapped in a towel, leaning in someone's arms. He dared only glance up, to see familiar amber eyes, only they were wet and darker than normal. "G-Gabriel..?" Sam whispered and the angel nodded "Sammy, I told you not to do this, I specifically told you not to" Gabriel mumbled "You shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't have left Dean alone to deal with human Castiel" he whispered. Sam was close to tears "You saved me, I-I didn't leave Dean, I can go back now if I wanted..". Gabriel let tears fall as he hugged the hunter close "Sammy, I never saved you, all those times it was Dean or yourself.. but now, now Sammy, I'm afraid Dean couldn't get to you in time… You can't go back to him not until its his time."


End file.
